Positive regard, in psychology, refers to the basic human need for acceptance, support, and warmth from others. It is a concept central to the humanistic psychology of Carl Rogers. He distinguished between two types: conditional positive regard and unconditional positive regard.
Conditional Positive Regard
This type of regard is given only when a person acts in a way that meets the conditions or expectations of others. For example, a child who is only praised for getting good grades is experiencing conditional positive regard. This can lead to a person developing “conditions of worth,” where they believe their value as a person is dependent on meeting certain standards. This can be harmful to a person’s self-esteem and lead to a lack of self-acceptance.
Unconditional Positive Regard
This is the complete acceptance and support of a person regardless of what they say, do, or achieve. It is a core principle of client-centered therapy, where the therapist provides a non-judgmental and empathetic environment for the client. Rogers believed that receiving unconditional positive regard from others, particularly during childhood, is crucial for developing a healthy sense of self-worth and for an individual’s psychological growth. It allows a person to feel safe enough to explore their authentic self without fear of rejection.
To better understand this concept and its application, watch this video on Unconditional Positive Regard Explained. This video provides a concise explanation of unconditional positive regard and its benefits.
The Importance of Unconditional Positive Regard
Unconditional positive regard in bereavement companionship is the practice of offering complete acceptance, warmth, and support to a person who is grieving, without any judgment or conditions. It means being fully present with the grieving individual, validating their emotions, and respecting their unique process of mourning.
Key Principles
- Non-Judgmental Listening: A bereavement companion practicing unconditional positive regard listens without imposing their own beliefs, opinions, or a “correct” way to grieve. They accept the mourner’s emotions—whether it’s sadness, anger, confusion, or even a sense of relief—as valid and normal.
- Empathy and Presence: The focus is on “companioning” the bereaved person, which means walking alongside them on their journey rather than trying to fix their grief. This involves being a supportive and compassionate presence, creating a safe space for the individual to express their pain without fear of being told to “get over it.”
- Respect for the Individual’s Pace: Grief is not a linear process and doesn’t follow a set timeline. Unconditional positive regard means respecting that the bereaved person is the expert on their own grief and will move through it at their own pace. A companion does not push for a specific outcome or try to rush the healing process.
- Authenticity: The companion must be genuine and sincere in their presence. This isn’t about feigning concern but about truly being there for the person, offering authentic support and humanity.
Why It’s Crucial
- Reduces Shame and Isolation: Grief can be a deeply isolating experience. Unconditional positive regard helps to combat this by making the bereaved person feel understood and accepted. It prevents them from feeling shame or embarrassment about their feelings, which is common in a society that often misunderstands and marginalizes open expressions of sorrow.
- Facilitates Healing: By providing a safe environment, unconditional positive regard allows the bereaved to experience and process their emotions fully. This process is essential for psychological adaptation and healing, as it helps them integrate their loss into their life and eventually find a renewed sense of identity and meaning.
- Empowers the Grieving Person: Instead of positioning themselves as an expert with solutions, the companion empowers the mourner to be the “expert” of their own experience. This approach fosters resilience and helps the individual find their own way through their pain, which is vital for long-term well-being.
This is one of the essential concepts that we teach in more detail in several of our programs. Click the graphic to learn more
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